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PhDzilla and the Superprocrastinator

“Hon what are you working on?” PhDzilla poked her head around the door to look into her husbands workshop.
“I decided to build the ultimate Postgrad-student-experience-device.”
“This sounds awesome and you know how much I like awesome!” The monster was delighted.
“Yet, tell me; what is this device and what will it do?”
The doctor scratched his head, put his screw driver down and said: ”Well, basically it is a Superprocrastinator.”
“A Superprocrastinator.”
“Awesome!” The monster started a happy dance.
“It will prevent PhD students from turning into PhDzillas.”

PhDzilla – yes the ultimate, the original, the only true one – stopped in her tracks.
“Why would you want to do such a thing?”
“Uhm”, the doctor started squirming.
“Well, you, you know. Uhm. Not everyone becomes such a, uhm, a loveable and delightful monster as you my dear.” Cold sweat slowly ran down the doctor’s temples.
“Oh”, the monster thought for a while, “I guess you are right. Not everyone can handle such ferocious intelligence, such sumptuous wit, such dashing charm, such glimmering teeth, oh the teeth!”
“Yes, my dear.” The doctor answered calmly, suppressing the urge to ram the screwdriver into a soft part of his body.
“What does it do?”
“Huh?” The doctor had missed the last question over considerations about screwdriver versus head bashing.
“WHAT DOES IT DO?” PhDzilla announced meticulously not having the patience for one of the doctor’s mental lapses.
“Oh well, it is going to be an intelligent room. The PhD student who is in the first stages of turning into a PhDzilla steps in and the room detects what the student needs. Subsequently the necessary features will start automatically. So far I have implemented a sauna, virtual reality games, a cheering crowd hologram, an ice cream bar, a chocolate and coffee shop, a comic library, a pizza bakery, hairdresser, climbing wall and a kick in the bum feature.”
“What is a kick in the bum feature?” The monster became curious.
“Oh this was the easiest. I just attached a rubber boot with flower print onto a lever. If the machine detects that the student does not really need procrastination but a kick in the bum – well then that is what the student will get.”
“How is this going to help the student go back to work?”
The doctor thought for a while; “well it, uhm, comes with a time management and motivation hand out.”
“A hand out?” PhDzilla’s impressive forehead frowned, making her scales dance. “Can’t you think of anything better?” She snorted.
“Well, I could print it in form of a chocolate postcard.”

Categories: Teaching

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Nathalie Sheridan

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